1/4/2023 0 Comments Sissy boi hypnosWere I with any of my female friends or relations, they would have understood this instantly. I don't know if this ''lysergic safari'' thing is working. Basically, I need to know if I look like Lady Ace Ventura: Pet Detective in it. I'm wearing it with zebra-skin sandals, and a snakeskin clutch-bag. It's a 1950s tea dress in shape - but in pattern, it's got an African-textile theme going on. The dress I am in is a bit of a new development, in terms of my ''fashion range''. Unfortunately for Pete, ''You look so thin in that'' is not the droids I am looking for in this particular conversation. Have a great night out,'' he says - going back to staring at his Fotheringay mug, which depicts the whole band as 15th-century minstrels. He clearly thinks all the business has been concluded. ''You look so thin in that!'' Pete says - delighted to be back on firm ground. And second, that every time I appear in front of him in a new outfit, he must say, without hesitation: First, that he must never, ever throw me a surprise birthday party in our front room again. Twelve years ago, shortly before our wedding, I told him - with the kind of fearless honesty that lovers can afford - that I would only ever impose two rules on our marriage. Pete is immediately contrite - ''Sorry!'' - but also back in charted territory again. ''Do you … want a lift to Finsbury Park?'' he asks, eventually. The rat does not know exactly what is going to happen next - but it knows it's going to be bad. I can sense his heart rate accelerating, like a panicked lab rat on sighting a speculum. Pete can tell there is some manner of urgent business left unattended here - but he does not know what. Send my love to … whichever bunch of arch, chain-smoking homosexuals you're on loan to tonight.'' ''Make sure you've got your keys!'' he says, cheerfully.
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